The Denmark Gossip December 15, 2011

Edited by Michael Ryan

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Unrest in Denmark
or

(Drama in Elsinore)

Denmark is a place riddled with problems. People are going crazy—kidnappings are taking place, anger and guilt are always present, murders are occurring with regularity, and death is looming around every street corner. It may sound like a horrible place to some, but for journalists like me, it is a dream! There is always something new to talk about in this city.

A young man by the name of Hamlet seems to be the center of all the drama. This epic tale began when Hamlet’s uncle, Claudius, killed his brother. This tragic event started Hamlet on a downward spiral of depression, which he is still facing. There have also been reports of Hamlet being crazy. Word on the street is that he has been spotted talking to himself late at night, but when I asked him about this incident he swore to me that he was speaking to the ghost of his late father. Crazy? I think yes. Hamlet also told me that the ghost informed him that Claudius was the one who killed his father, which was huge news for Hamlet. Knowing this made Hamlet extremely mad and he stated that he was going to get Claudius. Prior to going a wee bit crazy, Hamlet was in love with a girl named Ophelia, who was the daughter of Polonius. Yes, she WAS the daughter of Polonius. Hamlet’s crazed mindset led to him killing Polonius, which only made things throughout Elsinore much worse. Ophelia, Hamlet’s ex-lover, found out about the news of her father’s death and went a little loopy herself. She became so angry, that she ended up dying by drowning. For the sake of his own safety, Claudius had Hamlet sent to England.

Recently, it was confirmed to me that Hamlet never made it to England. Before he could get there, he was kidnapped by pirates. These pirates had peg legs, eye patches, and yes even hooks. Word has it that Hamlet is currently on his way back to Denmark with the pirates. I have a feeling that something BIG is going to happen upon his return. All of Denmark will just have to wait and see, but The Denmark Gossip will be sure to keep the public informed. Purchase next week’s paper and by then hopefully I will be able to fill you in on the rest of the story.

Until we meet again....

To Be or Not to Be...

To live, or not to live, this is the ever present question:
Is it better to endure the pains of your thoughts
With your dismal fortune wrapped up in them
Or to use weapons against a sea of hardships,
And go against it to end all pains. To die -- is to rest--
Never again; and by resting, is stating that we kill
The heartache, and everyday challenges
That humans are prone to. It's an achievement
To wish for. To die -- is to rest.
To rest -- perhaps means to dream: that is the catch!
So in the rest of death, how can one dream
When they have already departed with life,
We must stop. There's the respect.
That makes a mess of life.
Who would want to deal with the pain and misery of time,
The oppressor's wrong, a confident being's humiliation,
The anguish of rejected love, the law's delay,
The inexperience of officials in general, and the dislike
That patient integrity takes from the unworthy
When he might make his final settlement
With a sharp knife? Who would bear these burdens,
To groan and sweat beneath a discontented life,
But the fear of what follows after death--
The unknown land, from whose borders
No adventurer returns, puzzles the mind,
And makes us carry the problems we have
Rather than drift to others we don't know about?
In this way, a conscience makes cowards of us all,
And in this way the natural beauty of making up your mind
Is hidden with the gray shadow of thinking,
And projects of great substance and importance,
And in this regard, their movement becomes erratic,
And lose the point of action. Wait!
The beautiful Ophelia! Goddess in your eyes
May all my sins be remembered.

I don’t think that I would be too pleased if I found out that my parents hired someone to spy on me, but if they did this is how I would feel:

Really guys, you did this to me
Now I’m self-conscience and want to flee

I look over my shoulder, check behind my back
Worried the spy will come and attack

I thought I could trust you, but obviously not
I can’t break the law without getting caught

I used to run rampant all over the town
But now I feel I’ve been chained down

I like my freedom and privacy too
I wish you felt the same way that I do

I have a shadow even when dark
A small, creepy man who looks ready to bark

I try to lose him by running real fast
But it never works, I always come in last

He hovers around like a shark that smells blood
And thinks he’s a gallant, magnificent stud

I love you both with all of my heart
But this deceitful trick just tears me apart

With practice and patience can you learn to trust
To spy on your son should not be a must


I feel that times have changed significantly since the Hamlet era. For example, it seems to me that a majority of parents and their kids would be able to say that their relationship is much stronger than the relationship between Polonius and his two children. I would hope that most present day parents trust their children and therefore feel no need to hover. On the flip side, I think that the children in either time period would not appreciate their parents sending someone to spy on them. In today’s world parents may not hire someone to follow their kids, but there are gps devices that can be used on cell phones or cars to keep track of a child’s location. We as kids like both our privacy and freedom and sometimes it is nice to get away from your parents for awhile. I also think that as teenagers, it is natural that we want more freedom since most of us will soon be moving away from our parents to live on our own. I believe most teens would be perfectly content to have their parents give them ample money and few rules. Perhaps times haven’t changed quite as much as I thought.